What if How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters
by Katy M VT
Summary: What if Dean did find something to get his head back into hunting? The Leviathans get Sam instead of Bobby and they want him for something. It doesn't really make a lot of sense, but this episode left me so distraught this was the best I could do.


"OK, circle around and come back," Bobby told Sam.

"So, Dean, you need to get your head and heart back in the hunt. I don't care if it's love, hate, or a bet."

"Whatever," Dean said, and turned around to see Sam entering the van.

"The whole place is empty. They snuck out."

Bobby rolled his eyes. "Guess we may as well as get out of here, then."

SSS

A few minutes earlier

Sam was following Bobby's advice to just head back, when he ran into two of them. They both grabbed a hold of an arm and each changed into him. "Why are you both turning into me?"

They didn't answer him. One of them took off. Sam assumed it was to meet up with Sam and Dean. Sam opened his mouth to scream out a warning, but the other him, knocked him out.

SSS

"Where are we going?" Dean whined, when they had been driving for a while.

"Back to Rufus's cabin. We're in way over our head with those big mouths anyway," Bobby informed him.

"Whatever," Dean said once again. He just didn't care anymore.

In the back seat, Fake Sam smiled. He just had to keep these guys fooled for a couple of weeks while his brethren got what they needed from the real Sam.

SSS

Sam woke up and found himself with just his hand attached to a chain to the wall. He had metal bands around his neck, chest, waist and forehead, but they weren't attached to anything. He saw the big mouth who had taken his form come in and another one. "Why haven't you eaten me yet?"

"Oh, we're not going to eat you. We have special plans for you."

Sam figured he didn't want to know what they were and he wasn't going to ask. Unfortunately, the leviathan decided to enlighten him anyway.

"We discovered the last time we had someone take your shape, that you're psychic."

Sam sighed. "Not for a while now. What do you care anyway?"

"We're pretty powerful, but it would help to know what's going to happen in the future."

Sam laughed. "I've never been able to predict the future. All I ever got were death visions when the other psychics killed someone. They're all dead now, so I've pretty much got nothing."

"Wrong. You just need to learn how to harness your power."

Great, more Ruby type lessons, Sam thought sarcastically.

The fake him chuckled. "This will be much worse."

Sam realized the fake him could read his mind.

"Psychic abilities are concentrated in the brain. The brain is all about the electrical synapses firing. We'll shock you until you can answer our questions about the future."

"That's not going to work," Sam protested.

"Well, it won't hurt anything. If it doesn't work, we'll just eat you and we'll be nice and crispy."

The leviathan pushed a button and Sam discovered what the metal bands were for and screamed in agony.

SSS

"So, what now?" Dean asked. They had returned to Rufus's yesterday and he was bored. He was just basically sick of existence in general.

"We'll figure out somehow to shoot that cleaner stuff," Bobby said.

"Where's Sam?" Dean asked.

"I sent him out for food," Bobby answered.

"OK, well how are we going to do this?"

"I'm thinking a Super Soaker," Bobby answered.

"Seriously?" Dean asked. Then decided he didn't care. "Do you have any?"

"Yep, let's get them loaded up and see how they work," Bobby said.

They got the plastic guns filled with the cleaner stuff when "Sam" walked in the door.

"Let's test these out," Dean said, deciding he might as well have some fun. He aimed it at Sam's hand . He didn't want to accidentally get any in Sam's eyes.

"Sam" tried to move out of the way, but the cleaner hit his hand and he started burning.

Dean and Bobby exchanged a look and then turned their full fire power on Not-Sam. Bobby grabbed a machete and slashed off the head. He grabbed a box and stuck the head in.

"Where the hell is Sam?" Dean yelled. He finally found something to care about, but he wished he hadn't.

SSS

"What's going on in his head?"

They had been shocking Sam for hours.

"He's having a conversation with the devil. He hasn't even been aware of us. It's kind of entertaining, but we're not going to get any info about the future from him."

"Well, we'll give him a break until morning and try it again. If it doesn't work, we'll have him for breakfast."

"Sounds good."

They left the room, but it made no difference to Sam. The devil had finally won and he was back in Hell.

SSS

"Maybe we should take the head out and let him come back so we can ask him where Sam is," Dean suggested.

"No way," Bobby answered. "We have no way to contain him."

"Well, do you think they jumped him when he went for food."

Bobby considered. "No. I think he's been with us since New Jersey."

"Why do you say that?" Dean asked, trying to think of anything Sam had done that was off.

"It was nothing really, but when I sent him for food, he didn't give me a hard time about the cheese I wanted."

"That smelly crap you always eat?" Dean wrinkled his nose.

"Exactly. Both of you always do that. It's like an involuntary reaction. He didn't do it earlier."

Dean nodded. It made sense. The leviathan didn't do it, because Sam wouldn't have thought about it. He would have just done it. "Well, how are we going to fine him. And why didn't he eat us?"

"Both good questions."

SSS

"So, you finally admit that I was right. You never left Hell," Lucifer sneered.

"Yeah, fine. You win," Sam said.

Sam felt like he just wanted to go back in time to when he was a little kid.

The leviathans came back in. Sam wasn't aware of them. He was aware of the shocks they gave him, though.

On the third shock, he actually sent out psychic power. "DAD!" he yelled. He just wanted someone to save him. He knew it was stupid. But, when he was a kid, there was nothing his father couldn't protect him from and he had no more reserves left. With the psychic power that the Leviathans had tapped, he called forth his father, from wherever he was, and he materialized in the room.

John looked around. The last thing he could remember was popping out of Hell and wrestling with the yellow-eyed demon. Dean had shot him with the Colt and he had walked into the light, at peace, knowing it was finally over. But he didn't know where he had gone.

Now, he was here. He recognized Sammy. He was older, but a father always knows his sons. He didn't know how he got here. He saw what appeared to be people shocking his kid, but he assumed that they weren't. Mostly because one of them looked just like Sam. Shapeshifters?

Well, being a ghost had to have an advantage or two. He concentrated his mind to try and throw the shifters across the room. They looked at him mildly irritated.

"Who is that?" the one that didn't look like Sam asked.

"That's their father. He somehow appeared when Sam called for him."

"It must be working then," the other said with glee.

John had no idea of what might be working, but he was clearly no match for these guys. He concentrated on Dean, hoping he would be brought to him. That was also assuming that Dean was still alive.

He closed his eyes and when he opened them again, he was in the back seat of a van. Bobby was driving and Dean was in the passenger seat. "Whoah," Dean yelled. They were headed back to New Jersey. That was their best lead in finding Sam.

"Dean, I'm a ghost. I'm assuming you cremated me when I died, so you can't go do a salt and burn to get rid of me, but we have bigger problems right now."

Dean and Bobby exchanged a look. Dean shrugged. "Well, not sure what your problem is at the moment. Our problem is we have to find Sam."

"I know where he is," John said. "Well, that's not exactly true," he said, realizing that he didn't know where he had come from anymore than he knew where he was now. "But I was just with him."

"How do we even know that's your father?" Bobby asked. He didn't want to get taken on a wild goose chase away from Sam.

Dean picked up a bottle of the cleaner from next to his feet. He was going to keep it close forever. He threw some on his Dad and it just went right through him.

"Well, he doesn't appear to be a big mouth, and he has no solid form, so most likely ghost."

"Did you just throw cleaning fluid on me?" John asked. "Have you gone nuts? That's not a test for anything."

"How's Sam?" Dean asked, ignoring the other stuff.

"Not good," John said. "There are these two things, shapeshifters I'd guess since one of them looks like Sam, and they're shocking him."

"Why?" Dean asked.

"I don't really know. Apparently in his pain he called out for me and I appeared. One of them said that meant it was working."

"What was working?" Dean asked again.

"I've told you everything I know."

"Not quite," Bobby said. "What did the place look like?"

"Oh. It looked a warehouse for a restaurant."

"They never left," Dean and Bobby said together. That was good news. They were only a mile away.

SSS

"Let's double the voltage," Not Sam said.

"OK, the other one said."

Sam had been hiding in his mind, but the extra voltage wouldn't allow him to do that anymore. He screamed in pain. Hell hadn't hurt this bad. It really hadn't. At least he didn't think so. But then, he wasn't even sure he wasn't in Hell. And then it didn't matter. He lost consciousness.

"Hey!"

The two leviathans turned in time to get hosed down by Dean and Bobby. Their heads were quickly chopped off. Bobby took care of separating them, while Dean ran to Sam.

"Is he OK?" John asked.

"He has a pulse," Dean said. That's the best he could do for now. He got the bands off Sam and then the cuff linking him to the wall.

Bobby was done with the boxing up of the heads and he ran them out to the van. They wouldn't worry about the bodies. They would just destroy the heads and that should take care of them.

"Bobby, help me carry him."

"Idgit. I've helped carry that giant around way too much lately," Bobby grumbled. But, he was already lifting up his half.

SSS

Sam woke up. He saw Dean, Bobby, and John sleeping around Rufus's cabin. Man, the devil had either really messed up, or was really done with trying to convince Sam this was real. His dad was dead.

Dean heard Sam and woke up. "Are you feeling OK? Hungry?"

"OK, you win. I know this isn't real."

"What?" Dean asked.

"This isn't real. This is just a decorated cage."

"What's he talking about?" John asked. They had all gone to sleep when they had got to the cabin. He hadn't known that ghosts sleep, but apparently they do, because he did.

Sam decided he wasn't going to interact with hallucinations anymore. If he just sat there and ignored everybody, Lucifer would get bored and just get back to normal torture.

"He thinks he's in Hell," Dean answered John.

"Sam, I told you. This isn't Hell. We got you out."

Sam didn't say anything. He just stared straight ahead.

"Sammy," Dean put his hand on his shoulder and shook him.

Sam refused to respond. He was going to make the devil stop doing this to him. He didn't have any control over anything down here, but just this once, he was going to mess with the devil and win. OK, he had to admit that win wasn't the right word. After all, his "prize" would be more torture and a lot of it, but he was going to have some weird kind of satisfaction.

"Sammy," Dean shook him again.

"Maybe you should lay off for now, Dean," Bobby suggested. Knowing Dean he'd beat Sam into acknowledging him—then feel guilty about it.

"What's wrong with him? Why does he think he's in Hell?" This was weird even for John.

"He was in Hell. Do you remember your time in Hell?" Dean asked.

"Yeah. I was there almost a hundred years. It sucked, but now that I'm out I'm just glad about that. Not confused enough to think I'm still there."

Dean was mad at his Dad. Always finding fault with Sam. "Well, Sam was down here for 180 years. And not just regular Hell, he was in a cage with Lucifer. So, he has some issues and if you want to make something of it, let me know. I'll figure out how to punch you out, ghost or not!"

John was taken aback. He was just confused as to what was going on. "Take it easy. I'm just trying to figure out what's happening."

"You know, we don't even know the last time Sam ate," Dean said, changing the subject.

"I got some stew I can heat up," Bobby said and set to work doing that.

"So, what's been going on since you killed Yellow Eyes?" John asked.

Dean rolled his eyes. "A lot."

"Well, that's specific," John muttered and smiled as he realized that was one of the last things Sam had said to him before he died.

"What?" Dean asked, seeing his dad smile.

"I just realized I said the same thing to you that Sammy said to me that last day."

"Oh yeah. You two really are a lot alike."

"You think?"

"Sure. You're both bossy and obsessive." Then Dean remembered when he had told Sam that he was like their dad. At Adam's funeral. He had to tell Dad about that.

"Dad, we found out you had another son."

"You did? How?"

"How? No apologies for keeping it from us? Whatever. Anyway, it's a long story, but before we actually met him, he was eaten by ghouls out for revenge."

John hung his head down. "I'd wanted to protect him from all this. By the time I had found out about him and Sammy had turned his back on us, I'd realized I'd made a mistake with you boys. I felt like I was getting a second chance. Then he died by a monster's hand anyway."

"It gets worse," Dean said.

"How could it get worse? A monster ate him. He's dead."

"About a year later, angels resurrected him."

"So, he's alive," John jumped in. "That's not worse."

"Let me finish. The archangel Michael possessed him so that he could have his Apocalyptic death match with Lucifer. Sam figured out how to trap Lucifer back in Hell so he let Lucifer possess him and then opened the cage. Michael popped up inside of Adam and tried to pull Sam away from the hole. Sam pulled him in to. So, long story short, Adam's in the cage with Lucifer and Michael."

"But Sam's out. Why is Adam still in."

Dean sighed. This was getting complicated. "An angel pulled Sam out, but left his soul behind. I made a deal with Death, the horseman, to get Sam's soul. I tried to get him to get Adam at the same time but he made me choose."

John nodded. He couldn't imagine Dean choosing anybody over Sam and he wouldn't have chosen one son over the other so there was nothing to get mad at Dean over. He just wished there was a way to get Adam out. "What's it like for him down there?"

"The only one who can answer that is Sam. He hasn't talked about it at all."

"Stew's ready," Bobby said. He had only been ten feet away and heard the whole conversation. He thought it had actually gone pretty well.

Bobby set the plate in front of Sam. Sam saw the food and he could smell it. He was beyond starving, but he knew if he went to take a bite the devil would just snatch it away from him.

Dean sat next to Sam and dipped the spoon in the stew. He would feed the stupid kid if he had to. His head was fully back in the game. He had tried letting Sam be in responsible for himself, not be over protective of him, and that was why he wasn't into hunting lately. He had to protect Sam. That was his mission in life. That was why he hunted. Get them before they got Sam.

Dean lifted the spoon towards Sam's mouth. Sam wasn't sure what to do. If he turned his head away that would be acknowledging this world. If he let "Dean" feed him, that would be, too. He was spared the agony of making a decision when the door flew in.

Two men walked in and they opened their "big mouths." They lunged at Dean and Bobby. The Super Soakers were out of their reach. Sam sighed. The devil was going to win this round. Because if there was any chance that was really Dean he had to save him. He jumped up, grabbed one of the toy guns and fired it at first one, than the other leviathan. Bobby and Dean took care of the decapitations.

"Welcome back," Dean said.

Sam smiled a small smile. Maybe this was real, maybe it wasn't. But, either way, he got to be with Dean so what did it matter. Then he looked at his Dad. This was what was ruining it. It made no sense.

Just then his father disappeared. The leviathans had tapped into a psychic ability Sam never knew he had. He could call ghosts forth and send them back with a thought. He didn't know that yet. All he knew was that his dad had been here and now he was gone. Either he was a hallucination sent by the devil, or his spirit had come to save his sons.

The End


End file.
